Episode 18 – Why Your Child Pulls Away and How to Stay Connected
Wednesday, May 27, 2026
Episode Summary:
If your child has ever said,
“Leave me alone.”
“Stop talking to me.”
Or completely shut you out…
…this episode is for you.
Because what looks like rejection on the outside is often something very different on the inside.
In Episode 18 of Raise Strong, we explore one of the most confusing and painful parenting experiences:
When your child pushes you away at the exact moment they need you most.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
In this episode, you’ll discover:
Why avoidant behavior is often a stress response, not defiance
What’s happening in your child’s brain and nervous system in these moments
How attachment shifts during middle childhood and preteen years
Why pushing harder often creates more distance
What to say (and what not to say) when your child shuts down
How to stay emotionally available without overwhelming your child
The difference between giving space and creating disconnection
The Core Shift
When children push us away, our instinct is to move closer… louder, faster, and with more urgency.
We ask more questions.
We try to fix it.
We take it personally.
But here’s the shift:
Distance is often a protective strategy, not a rejection.
Your child is not saying,
“I don’t need you.”
They are often saying,
“This feels like too much, and I don’t know how to handle it.”
When we respond with pressure, we increase that overwhelm.
When we respond with steadiness, we create safety.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Instead of:
“Talk to me right now.”
“Why are you acting like this?”
“You need to tell me what’s going on.”
You might say:
“I’m here when you’re ready.”
“You don’t have to talk right now.”
“We can try again later.”
You’re not giving up.
You’re giving your child space to regulate without losing connection.
Why This Matters
This stage can feel like you’re losing your child.
But in reality, you’re being invited to change how you show up.
Less control.
More presence.
Less urgency.
More trust.
Children don’t need perfect words in these moments.
They need to feel:
“I can come back to you when I’m ready… and you’ll still be there.”
That’s what builds long-term trust.
Your One Action Step This Week
The next time your child pulls away:
Pause.
Lower the intensity.
Offer one steady line:
“I’m here when you’re ready.”
Then let that be enough.
Connection is not built in the moment you push.
It’s built in the moments you stay.
Alex Anderson-Kahl
Hi, I'm Alex Anderson-Kahl
School Psychologist & Parent Coach
Welcome, friend. I know firsthand how overwhelming it feels to navigate big emotions and daily parenting battles. While I don’t have children of my own, my years spent working with families have shown me that you don’t need to be perfect to build a resilient home—you just need the right support.
Here, we break down child psychology and polyvagal theory into simple, shame-free strategies you can actually use today. Grab a cup of coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s build a calmer home together, one moment at a time
Say This, Not "Hurry Up"
Mornings and rushed transitions are a massive load on everyone's nervous system. If you've ever felt the urge to bark, "Hurry up!" when you're already running late, you are not alone.
Grab this free quick-reference guide for easy-to-remember phrase swaps that help you move things along without raising your voice or increasing the pressure.
