Episode Summary

If yelling worked, you’d only have to do it once… but it doesn’t.

When emotions run high, your body goes into survival mode, and calm suddenly feels out of reach. In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl breaks down the science of yelling, explaining what’s really happening in your body when you’re triggered and how to use your nervous system to find calm again.

You’ll learn about the vagus nerve, vagal tone, and why your body’s alarm system makes it so hard to stay composed in the heat of the moment. Then, Alex shares powerful tools, from breathing and cold exposure to laughter and humming, that will help you move from reactive to regulated, and from guilt to growth.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

Why yelling doesn’t work from a neurological standpoint

How your sympathetic and parasympathetic systems impact emotional control

What vagal tone is and how to strengthen it

Body-based tools to calm yourself when triggered

How to repair after yelling to rebuild connection and trust

Key Takeaway

"You can’t outthink a triggered body, you have to calm it first."

"When you learn to regulate your own nervous system, you model safety for your child and teach them how to return to calm after conflict."

Try This Week

Notice when your body starts to move into fight-or-flight: a racing heart, tight shoulders, shallow breath.

Pause and practice one of these techniques:

The physiological sigh (two inhales, one long exhale)

Splashing cold water on your face

Humming, laughing, or even buzzing your lips

​Then, if yelling does happen, take a moment to repair: own what happened, empathize with your child, and reconnect with love and accountability.