Episode Summary

We all do it… our child finishes a puzzle, helps clean up, and we say, “Good job!”

It’s automatic. It’s loving. And it feels like the right thing to say.

But what if certain kinds of praise actually hurt confidence instead of building it?

In this episode, school psychologist and parent coach Alex Anderson-Kahl unpacks the surprising science behind praise. You’ll learn why “You’re so smart!” can create pressure and perfectionism, while effort-based, reflective praise builds motivation, resilience, and self-worth that lasts.

Alex introduces his Reflective Praise Framework — a simple 3-step method that helps you turn everyday praise into a tool for emotional growth and lifelong confidence.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

Why traditional praise can sometimes backfire

How the brain responds to different kinds of praise (dopamine and motivation)

The difference between evaluative vs. reflective praise

How to use the Reflective Praise Framework:

1️⃣ Reflect Effort, Not Outcome

2️⃣ Name the Process, Not the Person

3️⃣ Connect Praise to Values

The common mistakes parents make with praise — and how to fix them

How meaningful praise helps kids build confidence, empathy, and grit

Key Takeaway

"Kids don’t need more praise — they need the right kind."

"When you notice effort, highlight process, and connect it to values, you’re not just encouraging behavior, you’re shaping identity."

"That’s how confidence grows from the inside out."

Try This Week

Replace one “Good job!” each day with reflective praise.

Try saying:

“You kept trying even when it was tricky — that shows persistence.”

“You really took your time on that drawing — I can tell you cared about the details.”

“You were so patient with your sister — that showed real kindness.”

Then, notice what happens, not just in your child, but in you.

​Reflective praise slows the moment down, deepens connection, and strengthens your child’s internal motivation.